Forum Regeln » rt. How do you deal with this? Star

My husband says he's not in love with me and now he's going out partying and drinking with his friends who are single and have no kids. In the last year we bought a bigger house and I'm a stay at home mom but i have just found a part-time job . We are selling the house we live in and moving back to the town where are family is but my husband is still going to live in the basment and all the bills will be 50 Cheap Marcus Foligno Hat ,50 . I wait on him hand and foot I may nag at times because he doesn't do what I ask within a week. The kids are loud and do fight but they are kids. When he comes home from work he wants no noise.

VAL'S ANSWER

Solving marital issues is not an overnight thing. In order to have a change within marriage, we ourselves will need to change from the inside. We would need to make some adjustment in our thought processes and how we respond to situations. Right now, he's already separated himself from you and the kids by living in the basement. So the issue is winning him back. But winning him back start with winning him back in his mind. In his mind he's already separated himself.

Before I can start giving you counsel about what to do Cheap Jason Zucker Hat , we need to look at the root cause of this separation. You know if you want to get rid of weeds, you need to pluck them out from the roots and not just cut off the part showing outside the soil. Going to the root may not be pleasant because it may reveal things we don't want to see. But honest examination leads to honest change.

Men respond to things differently from women and sometimes we find it difficult to understand this. Men and women see things differently. For most men, when they come back from work Cheap Joel Eriksson Ek Hat , they simply want to unwind with some peace and quiet. In most cases, they don't want to talk and they don't want noise at least for the first one hour. This may sound selfish and probably is. But that's how they're made.

The typical man would think that he's been at work all day because of his family and when he comes home, he wants to be appreciated and feel at peace. Taking care of 3 kids is not an easy task and is full time work even though many don't see it that way Cheap Zach Parise Hat , particularly our husbands. So we sometimes become frustrated with the lack of appreciation we get. Especially if we want some help around the house. But how we communicate it may resolve the issue or cause further problems.

You say you wait on him hand and foot and he may say that by going to work everyday is equivalent to waiting on his family hand and foot. When you ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, nagging is probably the way to get him NOT to do it. There's something that nagging does to a man, it makes him want to leave the environment it comes from. He may still love his wife Cheap Mikko Koivu Hat , but he can't stand to be with her because of the nagging.

King Solomon said several things about this:

1 - The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping (Proverbs 19:13)
2 - It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling
woman in a wide house (Proverbs 25:24)

One the synonyms of brawling is wrangling which means to to obtain by persistent arguing or maneuvering. This means getting what you want by persistent talking or maneuvering. When a man is confronted by this, as you can see from the above quotations, he just wants to go where there's peace and quiet. He doesn't want to deal with it by responding Cheap Mike Reilly Hat , he wants to escape to a quiet place.

Please don't take any of the things I've said above as casting blame, it's just us looking at what may have caused him to separate himself so that we can now look at how we can restore the relationship. Remember that I said, it's not an overnight thing Cheap Chris Stewart Hat , but there are some things that can be done:

1 - You need to change the atmosphere of the house.

Did you know that words can create an aura or forcefield in a house? Bitter, angry words will make a house uncomfortable to live in. Of course bitter
angry words come from a bitter angry heart. How do you deal with this? Start by learning to forgive people for the wrong actions done against you and
then bitterness will not fester in the heart. Some times our bitterness against other people (not even our spouses) affect our relationship negatively with others because bitterness is an emotion that has the power to defile many people.

2 - Help the children make adjustments